When Tracy Zwilling lost her husband of 36 years, she found herself grappling with overwhelming grief and the frustrating silence that often surrounds it. But her search for connection led to a grief ministry that helped her and now benefits her whole community.
Don Zwilling was killed in a car accident on his way to work in 2021, and their close-knit family was devastated. Tracy and their two children were suddenly navigating life as a family of three instead of four.
“I always tell people that our family was like this real sturdy four-legged chair,” Tracy said. “When my husband was killed, it was like the leg got knocked out from underneath us and we had to learn how to become a three-legged stool.”
The first year was the hardest, Tracy said, when there were all the firsts — the first holidays, first birthdays, first Christmas.
“It’s literally the first everything and you’re always reliving what you did the year before,” she said.
The first anniversary of Don’s death was especially hard. Tracy felt like nobody cared about the grief she was going through and how hard her life had become.
“When you’re in that first year, it’s like nobody even recognizes just how awful it is for you,” she said. “It’s not like they should, but it felt like something should be done. Something should be said. Something should be recognized.”
Tracy went looking for Christian grief resources but found there wasn’t much available in the area, nothing through the diocese and nothing at her parish, St. Mary Help of Christians in St. Augusta — part of the Holy Saints Area Catholic Community, which also includes the parishes in Pearl Lake/Marty, Luxemburg, St. Nicholas and Kimball.
Around that time, she read an article in The Central Minnesota Catholic about then 99-year-old Stanley Kuchar of Mora. After his wife died, he started sending cards with hopeful messages to people in his parish and wider community.
(Dianne Towalski / The Central Minnesota Catholic)
What started as a way to cope with his grief became a ministry that has touched countless lives.
Tracy then read about a parish that sends cards to those experiencing the death of a loved one, and thought, “That’s something I could do.” Inspired by these stories, she started to outline a plan.
“Maybe if I send out some letters and then cards on the birthday of the person that was deceased, the anniversary of their death, and a Christmas card. Just something simple like that,” she thought.
She approached Father Erik Lundgren, parochial administrator of Holy Saints ACC, who put her in touch with someone from each of the other parishes in the ACC. They formed a committee to research letters that other organizations send out and grief resources in the area.
Tracy, who owns a marketing business called TraceCreative, drew on her branding and design expertise to craft a series of letters with helpful information, and she created a packet to give to family members who are planning a funeral in any of the Holy Saints parishes.
“I was fortunate to have received periodic letters and cards of encouragement and a special card on the one-year anniversary of my husband’s death,” said Donna Dold, a member of St. Mary Help of Christians Parish. “When I thought no one else remembered, Tracy and the grief ministry did.”
The packets include a letter, list of grief resources and brochure about how to get through the first weeks and months after the death of a loved one. Also tucked into the packet is Heaven, a DVD adaptation of the book, Climbing the Mountain, by “Anne,” a lay apostle, prayer cards and a clutching cross carved by Jack Zwilling, Don’s father.
After receiving the packet, family members can sign up to get a series of letters and cards throughout the year. About 30 families sign up per year, Tracy said.
Along with the packet and letters, the group invites a speaker to talk about grief once a year. This year’s event is expected to be held in October and anyone may attend.
Ellen Zipp, also a member of St. Mary Help of Christians Parish, helps to create the many handmade cards that Tracy sends. She enjoys being able to use her talents to help with grief ministry.
“I have experienced grief myself — losing family members and also through my former job at Quiet Oaks Hospice — and I believe it’s important to support those experiencing the loss of a loved one to let them know they are not alone,” Ellen said.
She believes that Catholics should support and uphold each other, and sharing with others who face similar situations can help bring a sense of peace to people experiencing grief.
“Having a grief ministry is important to our ACC community,” Donna said. “Grief is so strange, I think I’m doing fine, and then I have a day or a week of just an empty, sad heart. But I feel I have a very strong support of faith families that I rely on. For me, putting God front and center is so very important on this journey.”
Tracy said that her husband’s death has brought her closer to God.
“But I don’t know if this ministry has brought me closer to God. I think God has brought me to the ministry,” she said.
“Every day is a gift and I have learned to appreciate things here,” she said. “I have learned to appreciate that everybody experiences grief, to just be kind to people and to keep them in your prayers, no matter what they’re going through.”