“I love being a sponsor couple for Fully Engaged. It’s a ministry we can do together, and it bears fruit in our marriage,” Nicolette Gindele said.
Her husband Aaron echoed her sentiments. “Being a sponsor couple encourages us to reflect on important areas in our own marriage. Anything that fosters our communication strengthens us.”
“Because marriage is a work in progress,” he added, “every time we go through this process with a new couple, it helps us make incremental adjustments in how we go about things.”
Before the Gindeles were married in 2008, they went through a similar marriage preparation course in St. Cloud. Some years later, Nicolette’s Bible study partner, Laurie, suggested that she and Aaron consider this ministry with engaged couples. They knew immediately they wanted to give back to others.
The Gindeles, parishioners at Holy Family in Belle Prairie, are in the company of other couples in the Haven of Mercy Area Catholic Community and are inspired by their openness about real-life struggles and commitment to keeping Christ at the center of their marriage.
After attending a training retreat, they’ve been involved in the program since 2021. As a sponsor couple, they don’t claim to have all the answers.
“As presenters, we’re on our best game, but we’re just normal and try to be a good example,” Nicolette said. “When we meet our engaged couple for the first time, we don’t want them to think we always have it all together. We have our faults.”
“We’re a real couple with a real marriage, having dealt with some tough situations,” Aaron said. “Once they understand that, they feel free to talk about meaningful things and the experience becomes more valuable.”
Nicolette pointed out their different styles in working — she’s blunt while Aaron offers longer careful responses — but they give their partner grace and accept the way they are.
He’s noticed that seemingly harmless tools of humor can actually be hurtful and potentially lead to miscommunication in marriage. “Particularly sarcasm — the word means ‘to tear the flesh.’ So we discuss the importance of making sure they’re not undoing their other good work to strengthen their relationship.”
The Gindeles recently celebrated their 17th anniversary. Their family includes Sunny, Delilah, Teddy, Ruby, Minnie and Pearl.
Before they begin with an engaged couple, the couple in preparation first completes a series of marriage inventory questions and their answers are electronically tabulated. During later discussions, some inventory topics are considered “prioritized” and others conditionally identified as likely to benefit from more in-depth conversation. The prep book consists of a natural, conversation-based curriculum.
Generally the two couples work through the discussions in five or six sessions. Because they meet at their home, the Gindeles provide snacks and ensure that their children are occupied elsewhere during sessions, to allow for greater privacy.
“Our role is to walk through the curriculum with the couple, discussing topics based on their inventory, and connecting it back to Church teaching,” Aaron said. “The goal is for them to consider and discuss important topics that might not arise in ordinary conversations but are very healthy to talk about.”
Categories include how the couple will divide household labor, their recreational desires, their families of origin and their histories, how they communicate and resolve conflicts, finances and cohabitation.
“When we get to the heavier topics — intimacy, fertility, contraception and parenting — we’ve gotten to know each other over about four meetings, so we can talk honestly about those things. We’re not there to assess them or even give advice,” he said. “With some topics — like contraception — they might know the rules but not the reasons for what the Catholic Church teaches. It’s a natural conversation to share about the foundation for Catholic teaching in preparing for a healthy marriage.”
Nicolette said, “We didn’t learn about Natural family planning until our marriage retreat. But as a nurse, I love discussing NFP firsthand and how it works in depth.”
“Then, for the last meeting, we share a family meal together,” she added. “Afterwards, we don’t disappear — we pray for them and with them. We’ve received invitations to weddings. The couple might keep in touch at anniversaries or plan outings with us. And if questions arise, they feel free to reconnect with us.”
Some of the key ingredients the Gindeles have found for a healthy marriage include never becoming complacent, never taking a moment in time for granted and always seeing Christ in each other with the goal of getting each other to heaven.
Nicolette said, “I’m honored when women feel comfortable and trust me to hear their questions. Working with engaged couples is such a rewarding ministry. This is a chance to be a channel of God’s light in marriage — and it’s a ministry in our ACC that needs many more mentor couples.”
To learn more about Fully Engaged or to discern becoming a sponsor couple, click here.