What do Catholics need to know about ‘The Joy of Love’?

Pope Francis’ document “Amoris Laetitia,” or “The Joy of Love,” was released April 8 after nearly three years in the making. This postsynodal apostolic exhortation “on Love in the Family” reflects on the results of two synods of bishops held in 2014 and 2015.

In February 2015, Chris Codden, director of the diocesan Office of Marriage and Family, hosted discussion sessions in four locations around the diocese regarding what the church could do to provide better pastoral care to families. She also created a survey that people completed online or via mail.

The input from these efforts was shared with Bishop Donald Kettler, which he reviewed and reported to the Synod of Bishops last October. This synod, along with the one held in 2014, led to the creation of “The Joy of Love.” Also stemming from these efforts is a newly formed diocesan team that will be looking into how to provide more pastoral care for families experiencing divorce.

The Visitor asked several people to reflect on what different groups of people can learn from this document.

Q. What is the most important thing priests and pastors need to know?

Father Tom Knoblach, pastor of the St. Cloud parishes of Holy Spirit, St. Anthony and St. John Cantius:

As Pope Francis notes, “Amoris Laetitia” requires a patient, careful, gradual reading. Its “inevitable length” is due to its comprehensive discussion of complex issues. This is a testimony to the basic significance of marriage and family in human society.

Priests are called to support families across that whole spectrum of ages and needs. We need to receive the whole vision of “Amoris Laetitia” in order to minister to couples and families with the necessary balance between the ideals we encourage and the imperfections that arise from human weakness. The vocation to love as Christ loves sets a high bar, and we all fall short at times.

For those in ministry, two sections are central. Chapter 6 invites us to find effective ways to “profess the truth in love,” especially as we prepare couples for this lifelong vocation, support families through the milestone changes of life from adjusting to life together to the arrival of children to aging and health issues, and communicate unchanging doctrine with the mercy of God.

Chapter 8 discusses “pastoral discernment” in troubled situations and “accompanying, discerning, and integrating weakness.” This is not new; it has always been the work of the church to propose the ideals revealed by God and help people to reach them. Priests and others in ministry already do this daily. Chapter 8 encourages what Pope Francis elsewhere calls “apostolic patience,” working gradually to allow grace to act, laboring with both prudence and compassion in the “field hospital” to help those wounded by life and sinfulness to encounter God’s mercy and unfold a better future.

Q. What is one thing divorced Catholics need to know?

Father Virgil Helmin, judicial vicar for the diocesan Tribunal:

“What people need to know is that the church is merciful and forgiving,” Father Helmin said. “The church has established many methods of bringing people into full participation; i.e. to receive the sacraments. The church law is not meant to punish people but to help them.”

Chapter 8, “Accompanying, Discerning and Integrating Weakness,” is written primarily for those who have not entered into the sacrament of marriage, Father Helmin said. That can mean those who are unmarried and cohabitating, or those in “irregular” marriages who have divorced and remarried without seeking an annulment.

Father Helmin explained the document does not propose any changes in the laws and teachings of the church; rather it reinforces the church’s teaching on the pastoral care for those who find themselves in these situations.

“This document reinforces the philosophy I have always strived to uphold,” he said, citing paragraph 293, “For the Church’s pastors are not only responsible for promoting Christian marriage, but also the ‘pastoral discernment of the situations of a great many who no longer live this reality. Entering into pastoral dialogue with these persons is needed to distinguish elements in their lives that can lead to a greater openness to the Gospel of marriage in its fullness.’”

“Oftentimes, people find themselves in a difficult situation,” he said. “I have always believed that as a priest, I am walking with someone, through a discernment process, to teach the pedagogy, or value, of marriage, and the graces that accompany the sacrament. And the church provides recourses to assist people on their journey through life to eternal life.”

Q. What is one thing newly married couples need to know?

Victoria Bulcher, coordinator of youth ministry at the parishes of St. Mary of Mount Carmel, Long Prairie, St. Ann, Wadena, St. John the Baptist, Bluffton:

One quote immediately stuck out to me: “Love needs time and space; everything else is secondary” (paragraph 224).

Through our limited married life, (my husband Seth and I have been married 22 months) we are constantly trying to make our marriage sacramental. We never knew that meant making the daily tasks holy by intentionally doing things that build up our marriage, but Pope Francis tells us to do just that.

He gives a variety of practical advice to help us prepare for and remain faithful to our marriage vows. He reminds us that when we say our vows that we are embarking on a lifelong project of love that requires us to journey together to overcome all obstacles standing in the way. It is very challenging to keep “everything else … secondary” (224). In order to say yes to our love we need to say no to other things that get in the way of allowing our love to grow.

Creating time and space for our spouse needs to be intentional, just like we need to put time daily into our prayer life and set aside extra time on Sunday to go to Mass and honor the Sabbath.

In our relationship with our spouse, there needs to be time to “talk things over, to embrace leisurely, to share plans, to listen to one other and gaze in each other’s eyes” (241) so that we can grow in love of each other. And the more we love each other, the more we will be the people we were created to be!

CNS photo
CNS photo

Q. What is one thing longtime married couples need to know?

Don and Rita Kainz, members of Annunciation Parish, Mayhew Lake, married 53 years:

As we reflect on Chapter 6, “Love in Marriage,” we are impressed by the clarity of Pope Francis’ message of hope for all married couples. Reflecting on the words spoken by St. Paul that Pope Francis references in paragraphs 90, 91 and 92, the ones which stand out for us are, “Love is patient.”

For us, patience is always needed to live out the commitment to one another as husband and wife. Cultivating patience is most needed when we are at odds with one another and expect the other person to take care of it.

Patience is needed to solve disagreements, it’s needed when handling family disputes and patience is needed when one or the other is ill and needs special care. It is especially needed when we hurt one another and must ask for forgiveness.

Patience is needed when gathering with family and friends as we listen to their thoughts and ideas. Patience is needed as we work together and listen to one another’s different ways of doing a project, even in the simple things, like which route to take when running errands or for us, using the computer.

We patiently encourage each other by giving compliments and saying kind words of encouragement. We are being patient as we “talk” to each other nonverbally with our smiles and our touch.

In our fast-paced world of technology and being busy, we believe to love each other more deeply each day, we must choose to “cultivate patience” by taking the time, space and energy to love each other.

Q. What is one thing engaged couples need to know?

Kristin Molitor, diocesan marriage course and Fully Engaged coordinator:

Pope Francis lovingly counsels engaged couples to not let wedding preparations get in the way of marriage preparation. In paragraph 212 he encourages the engaged to have the courage to be different. He says “Don’t let yourselves get swallowed up by a society of consumption and empty appearances. What is important is the love you share, strengthened and sanctified by grace.”

Although it’s an age-old cliché, couples still ought to pay heed to the saying “a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime.” Francis reminds us that the wedding ceremony is not the end of the road. Rather, “marriage is a lifelong calling based on a firm and realistic decision to face all trials and difficult moments together (211).

Couples can freely make a “firm and realistic decision” towards marriage when they wisely use their time of engagement to come to know who the other person truly is (210). Francis encourages couples not to “conceal or relativize certain things” nor to avoid disagreements that could later surface in marriage (209).

Ultimately, “the wedding is just the beginning (218),” and “learning to love cannot be taught in a one day workshop” (208). “Each marriage is a kind of ‘salvation history’, which from fragile beginnings — thanks to God’s gift and a creative and generous response on our part — grows over time into something precious and enduring” (221).

Q. What is one thing parents need to know?

Chris Codden, director of the diocesan Office of Marriage and Family:

Pope Francis writes to us in the tone of a loving grandfather, imparting his wisdom, care, concern and dreams for his flock. He devotes two entire chapters to parents.

In Chapter 5, “Love Made Fruitful,” he helps us understand the unique and irreplaceable roles we have as mothers and fathers in the family and the supreme gift each child. Pope Francis calls out to us to see how integral the love of a mother and father are to the development of our children. Pointing to the Holy Family, he challenges to pass on the faith, reaching outward as a family, not isolating ourselves from the world.

In Chapter 7, “Towards the Better Education of Children,” the Holy Father expounds in greater detail the role of parents as primary educators. While he discusses the importance of monitoring our children’s use of media and electronic devices, etc., he devotes most of this chapter to the importance of teaching our children the virtues so they will be ready to face the world, making good moral choices and exercising a responsible use of freedom.

Last, Pope Francis, invites us with the heart of a true parent, to pray for our children and with our children daily. He reminds us that, “family prayer and acts of devotion can be more powerful for evangelization than any catechism class or sermon” (288).

Author: The Visitor

The Visitor is the official newpaper for the Diocese of Saint Cloud.

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