Hired to serve the three rural parishes of the six-parish Haven of Mercy Area Catholic Community, Mary Jo Backowski was accustomed to managing everything from the 13 checkbooks to the cemetery needs.
Her workspace was quiet, and her office was private. To Backowski, “everything was fine.”
After three years in her role, she was asked to collaborate with staff from other parishes in the ACC and an introductory conversation with a co-worker left Backowski unsettled and upset.
“I thought, ‘How is this ever going to work out?’” she said. “I went home that night and I didn’t sleep because I was so bothered, not because of what was happening but because of my behavior. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling.”
The next day, Father Ben Kociemba, pastor of the ACC who had recently been assigned to the parishes where Mary worked – Sacred Heart in Flensburg, St. James in Randall and St. Stanislaus in Sobieski – called her.
To her surprise, he knew nothing of the prior day’s difficult interaction, so she shared with him how, even though she was assured no tasks were going to be taken away from her, she was overcome with unknown feelings.
“He said to me, ‘Mary, I’ve heard it said that in grief, there is no logic,’” she said. “That was a lightbulb moment, and a weight lifted from me. I knew the feelings were because of the loss I felt with the staffing changes. I knew it had to change, but it was a hard pill to swallow.”
Backowski recalled a time when, after 25 years of serving in music ministry for the 4:30 p.m. Mass at St. James in Randall, that mass time was eliminated.
“I cried and I cried over that, and I kept talking to the Lord wondering why [the parish council] would do something like this,” she said. “But you know what? He got my attention by helping me realize that the most important thing was that I still had access to the Eucharist.”
The memory of that change helped provide comfort during the ACC staffing changes.
As she attended staff meetings and spent more time at Our Lady of Lourdes parish office in Little Falls, the feelings of loss became less overwhelming, and Backowski recognized the good God had done.
“At staff meetings I started thinking, ‘These people I am sitting with really want to have a personal relationship with Jesus just like I do,” she said. “I had been waiting for this all my life.”
“I realized all of us were working for the same purpose; so that all people will come to understand that God is alive, Jesus is alive, and he’s concerned about you and he wants you to come to our church and he wants to feed you, and he wants to love you. It’s just exhilarating.”
Backowski recognizes more change is inevitable, especially considering the diocesan wide All Things New planning process is well underway. She knows future changes will come with new and sometimes difficult to understand feelings, but her hope is the focus will remain on God and the Eucharist.
“We can be scared. We can be mad. All these feelings are true and we can feel them, but what are we going to do about it?” she said. “What I would love to see is people brainstorming. How can we share Jesus with others? Then, hopefully we can come together and build a dynamic Church.”