Angela Erickson
The most challenging things about Lent and Holy Week, in particular, are not the fasting, the abstinence or even the frantic house cleaning in preparation for Easter. Many parents find that discussing death and mortification difficult topic to navigate, especially with young children.
The good news is that these don’t have to be scary discussions! In fact, we have a duty to discuss them with our children. Death will befall each one of us, and we have to prepare for it.
On a spiritual level, the mortifications we have taken up during Lent are meant to prepare us for our death. For the last several weeks, we have practiced dying to worldly consolations so that, when we meet the end of our earthly life, we aren’t attached to the things of this world. You might be surprised by how readily your children (particularly those past the age of reason) can understand such a profound spiritual truth.
We are so close to Easter, but before we get there, we have to move through the Triduum. The Triduum makes manifest the central mystery of Catholic life – the passion, death, and ultimately – the resurrection of Christ. As we embark on the most sacred week in our liturgical calendar, our children may have more questions about death. Here, I offer five tips for making the most of these tough topics:
- Don’t be afraid to discuss death. One of the hardest things about educating our children about sensitive subjects is finding an age-appropriate way to discuss them that is both informative and reassuring. When my children have asked about death, I have found it sufficient to explain, “Death is when our soul departs from our body.” This typically does not prompt further questions about the nitty-gritty of death. It is a simple, straightforward way to explain something that feels so unnatural.
- Pray for the faithful departed. Praying for those who have passed on is an important and often neglected spiritual work of mercy. To instill this practice in our children normalizes death and habituates them into a very important spiritual practice. To pray for the Holy Souls is an act of charity, and charity is essentially love in action.
- Pray for a good death. Another oft-forgotten practice, praying for our own death, helps us to “memento mori” or remember our death. An ancient spiritual practice, remembering our own death helps us to remember to live as if we are dying (because we are) and will help us in our final hour to receive the grace needed for final perseverance. All of us, including our children, should draw deep into that well of prayer and grace so we are prepared when our own time comes, and our souls depart from our bodies.
- Keep in mind what our mortifications and death are ordered towards. Don’t make the mistake of making the discussion surrounding death doom-and-gloom. Death itself is not a bad thing! While being separated from our loved ones is the real cross of death, death is truly a gift. It is the means by which God, in his infinite wisdom, breaks the curse we have inherited from Adam and Eve. We see in our Lord’s passion and death that it is through death we are brought to new life. Thanks be to God!
- Contemplate the glories of heaven. St. Paul reminds us in his first letter to the Corinthians, “But, as it is written, ‘What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him,’” and Jesus speaks to his disciples of preparing a home for them in the gospel of John. We would do well to meditate on these beautiful promises and encourage our children to do the same. Depending on your child’s age, you could encourage them to draw a picture of what they believe heaven will look like, or, if they are older, encourage them to meditate on their favorite depiction of heaven, whether in scripture, by the saints, or in art.
Death doesn’t have to be scary. It can be sad, certainly. It is appropriate to grieve as our Lord did at the death of Lazarus, but as we all recall, that isn’t the end of the story. Lazarus is resurrected as a foreshadowing of the resurrection of Christ and our own reunification with our bodies at the end of time–– which is pretty exciting! Happy Holy Week, and may your Easter be glorious!
Angela Erickson is a homeschooling mom of 6 living in central Minnesota. She has been married to her husband Lars for 13 years. You can find more of her work at integratedangela.com. She and her family attend Mass at St. Anne in Hamel.