This is the third in a series of four articles on forgiveness by Tom Delaney, an occasional writer for The Central Minnesota Catholic.
When is the last time you packed for a trip? What we pack is very connected to how we see ourselves. We see ourselves as a certain person, and we proceed to pack what we think that person needs, wears and uses. Life is a journey, too, from one time and place to the next, and from the person we are in one time and place to the person we become in the next with our new life experiences. In our minds and hearts, we pack every day for how we want to be and how we want others to see us.
The Gospel makes clear that Jesus favors “packing light,” not only for himself, but for us, too. On different occasions he advises a man to sell all of his stuff (Matthew 19:21-22), sends the apostles out with “nothing for the journey” (Luke 9:3), tells people not to pack their days with worries (Matthew 6:25-34), and teaches people that he can lighten their burdens (Matthew 11:28-30). Jesus teaches forgiveness as an important way to pack light for life. When Peter asks how many times a person should forgive, Jesus’ answer is to forgive practically always (Matthew 18:21-22). The answer reinforces packing light for life, packing forgiveness and not packing heavy and exhausting resentment and enmity toward another person.
Pope Leo recently explained, “The Lenten journey is a welcome opportunity to heed the voice of the Lord and renew our commitment to following Christ, accompanying him on the road to Jerusalem.” If we pack in the way we see ourselves, what do we pack for the Lenten Journey when we embrace that God made us to be a forgiving person? The Gospel teaches us that we don’t pack resentment and enmity. The Gospel also teaches that if we are carrying around resentment and enmity, we need to get into what I call “giving up to go with,” giving up that resentment and enmity to go with forgiveness, to go with Christ.
If you have been following along with the previous weeks’ articles (and it’s not too late if you’re jumping in now), you made a “grudge list” and chose a person and event to forgive. You also used prayer and reflection to find empathy for the person by considering how their personal circumstances history probably caused what they did. Those are both important steps in what research has demonstrated makes for a full and lasting forgiveness. We know from this research that unforgiveness is associated with physical and mental health problems, and forgiveness is associated with improved mental health, as well as a personal sense of meaning and purpose in life. It is one of those things where faith and science converge.
The same research demonstrates that the next step in forgiveness is to selflessly forgive the person, replacing our negative emotions toward the person with positive emotions. The positive emotions come from releasing ourselves from the mental burden and stress of resentment and enmity, feeling some human sameness and shared vulnerability with the person we are forgiving, and finding joy in the knowledge that we are following Christ as he taught us and are living participants in his ministry. The actual act of forgiveness can be as simple as a pronouncement in your mind, but usually works best when you write out that you are giving the person the gift of your forgiveness. The words only have to be right for you. God already knows what you mean. Congratulations are in order, you are now officially a forgiving person.
Tom Delaney (OFS, MA Theo) is an educational psychologist and Secular Franciscan in the St. Cloud Diocese, certified in forgiveness group facilitation by the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University. This text is an original work and was not composed or edited with artificial intelligence (AI).