By Bethany Tollefson
Grief comes in many shapes and sizes. All forms of loss leave holes in our hearts. The pain of miscarriage. The loss of a loved one. Termination from a job. The end of a relationship. Changes in parish life.
For our good, humans can value or prioritize feelings. We can try to order, compare and tell ourselves what we “should” feel grief over. However, when it comes to grief, we do not need to minimize what we are feeling. Thankfully, we have a friend who sticks to us closer than a brother, Jesus Christ, who isn’t in the comparing business.
Jesus is the ultimate comforter. He is overflowing with compassion and tells us that he wants to bear our burdens (Matthew 11:28-29). Our heavenly Father is an ever-present help in time of need (Psalm 46). He is standing at the door knocking, wanting to hear what is on our heart (Rev. 3:20). If it feels big and overwhelming to us, whatever it is, he is waiting and wanting to hear about it. Let’s pour our hearts out to him.
As a nurse, I work with people who are grieving loss. Recently, someone said through their tears, “It has been over two years. Why can’t I get over this? I never know when this wave of pain, of remembering, of longing will hit me. It makes me anxious. What if the wave crashes at the wrong time? What if I’m in the middle of work? What if I’m just getting groceries with my kids? Will I ever get back to feeling normal?”
It is natural for all of us to want the pain to go away. In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes pleading with the Lord for a thorn to be taken away. Thankfully, we are never told what the thorn was, and I like to think that is because God makes it easier for us to apply our suffering to Paul’s example. It is interesting that God’s response to Paul is, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I hate feeling weak, yet I am reminded in this verse that my weakness is not something that should bring shame.
Where are you feeling loss in your life? Are you feeling weak with suffering? Do you feel like you have somewhere to turn?
For those who will skip to the bulleted list (I’m raising my hand), here are some suggestions for sisters and brothers going through any kind of grief or loss.
