Bishop Neary: We do not grieve as people without hope

One of the most powerful books ever written by C.S. Lewis was “A Grief Observed.” His wife, Joy Davidman, died of cancer in 1960. In reflecting on his own grief, he writes, “For in grief nothing ‘stays put.’ One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it? How often — will it be for always? — how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, ‘I never realized my loss till this moment’? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

As human beings, none of us can escape seasons of grief in our lives. All of us know what it is like to lose a cherished family member or a close friend. The hardest moments come when a parent loses a child, or when a loved one or a friend dies by suicide, a drug overdose or after an extended illness. We have all experienced the grief that comes when something went seriously wrong in our lives and it adversely affected our mental health. At times we can feel overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, stress or loneliness.

At such moments, God can seem distant or silent in the midst of tremendous grief or suffering. Dag Hammarskjold once wrote, “Faith is the marriage of God and the soul…the Dark Night of the Soul — so dark that we may not even look for faith. The night in Gethsemane when the last friends left you have fallen asleep, all the others are seeking your downfall, and God is silent, as the marriage is consummated.” It is comforting to know that both Mary and Jesus passed through seasons of grief, just like us. The shortest phrase in the New Testament is: “Jesus wept,” which took place before the tomb of his friend Lazarus. One of Mary’s titles is Our Lady of Sorrows, for she was a woman who bore much she could not understand and who stood fast.

The first place we should look for light, solace and consolation is through times of prayer. In seasons of sadness or loneliness, we just need to sit at the feet of the Lord in stillness, or just feel him holding us in a warm, compassionate embrace. We can pray the rosary asking for Mary’s motherly consolation in our times of sorrow. It also helps to get out into nature to be present to the beauty and goodness of God’s creation, or to engage in hobbies that still the mind and bring us a measure of peace.

What follows are some reasons to find hope that can help to ease our periods of grief. As bishop, I have been privileged to celebrate two Masses for Suicide Healing and Remembrance at St. Mary’s Cathedral. What a powerful moment when the faithful bring flowers forward and place them in a basket in honor of a loved one they lost to suicide. I have heard from many about how healing these liturgies have been for them.

I’m especially grateful that we have a Mental Health Ministry team in our diocese whose goal is to provide spiritual companionship, as well as spiritual and practical support, and to provide resources and educational opportunities for mental health awareness to our parishes. At present, our
ACCs are developing new grief ministries to provide a sacred space where people in pain can find both sanctuary and strength. We are also offering a new retreat series that seeks to “name and tame” anxiety with Catholic theology and brain science at its center.

As a diocese currently engaged in the All Things New planning process, we are being asked to reimagine what our local Church will look like. We are being called to embrace a broader sense of Church that goes beyond the boundaries of particular parishes to bring us closer together as one diocesan family of faith, and as members of a Universal Church. We may be called to say goodbye to some of our churches, and there will be much grieving and letting go in doing so, yet we are never truly alone or abandoned. Every parish church, after all, is our home and we are all brothers and sisters in the Lord. For the Church is you and me.

As Catholics of a Universal Church, it is hard not to feel grief when we see humble, hardworking immigrants getting arrested, deported and separated from their families. We are also aware of the effects of poverty and homelessness, especially in our own diocese. The Church is constantly inviting us to enter into greater solidarity with the poor and the marginalized. With the Catholic Campaign for Human Development, we are able to support efforts that serve those on the margins — reminding us that poverty and injustice are wounds the Gospel compels us to heal. And on World Day of Migrants and Refugees, we affirm again the dignity of every human life.

Let us remember that no matter the challenges we face, we do not grieve as people without hope, for Christ the Lord has risen to die no more. He has taken us into the mystery and the grace of life that springs from death. Deep down, because of Christ’s infinite love, all is well.

Yours in Christ,

+Bishop Patrick M. Neary, CSC

Feature photo: Getty Images /Tunatura