In 1983, when she was only seven years old, Rachel Wenner Ruzanic’s parents called a family meeting.
Along with her siblings, Christopher and Michelle, she sat down at the meeting expecting her parents Joseph and Mary, to share that something was wrong.
To her surprise, her parents said, “Can you guess what special news we have to share?” and allowed each child the opportunity to guess.
“We’re going to Disneyworld?”
“No, something even more special.”
As the children continued to make their guesses, Rachel came up with a response that seemed only logical.
“You were visited by an angel?”
“We’re having a baby!” Joseph and Mary responded.
And, one day before Rachel’s eighth birthday, Gretchen Wenner, the “something even more special,” was born. According to Rachel, she was one of the greatest gifts ever received.
“She was such a beautiful soul, high energy. The room would light up when she walked in,” Rachel said. “She was just so good and so gifted in everything she did. Everybody wanted to be like Gretchen.”
Gretchen made elaborate charcuterie boards before anyone else knew the word charcuterie.
Gretchen carried sardines, cheese and crackers on Boundary Waters hikes when others carried tortillas and peanut butter.
Gretchen was the cool, fun aunt.
Gretchen was a water skier, a fisherwoman, a nature enthusiast.
Gretchen worked as ski patrol in Colorado, where she met her husband, Michael Butler.
Gretchen was a radiologist and an advocate for women’s health, accessibility to healthcare and strong physician/patient relationships.
Gretchen was the adventurous mom to her three kids.
“She was very nurturing and awesome about getting her kids involved in nature,” Rachel said. “There are some amazing pictures of her hiking with one kiddo on her back and the other running on the path ahead.”
Gretchen’s life includes a lengthy list of accomplishments and the list of the lives she touched is tremendously longer.
Which is why, when Rachel received the announcement of Gretchen’s death by suicide, it was received with just as much surprise, but with completely different emotions, as the announcement her parents made over 36 years earlier.
Now the memories of the Janet Jackson dance-off’s during New Years Eves spent in Colorado and Gretchen’s love for Paul Simon and the occasional Chumbawamba song live alongside Rachel’s desire to keep anyone from suffering silently like her sister did.
Gretchen is the reason Rachel penned this message to anyone struggling with their mental health, for she believes that everyone is someone’s “something even more special:”
Dear Beloved, Aching Heart,
Know that you are not alone. You do not suffer alone. We are here with you. Standing beside you. We see you. We love you. And though it feels overwhelming right now, know that you are not alone. Feel the power of knowing that we all have our strengths and struggles. Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
Know that this moment will soften. You are not broken. It is ok. It is ok to acknowledge and sit with the pain—indeed—talk about it. Get it out. You are bigger than the pain. And you can do hard things.
Never doubt for a moment that you are needed, wanted, and loved. Without a doubt, know that you make a difference and that you are loved without condition.
Give yourself the grace you so freely give to others and meet yourself with gentle kindness. Give yourself the same tender care as you would your own infant. And know that we need you.
With unconditional, never-ending love,
Rachel